Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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