plz talk dirty to me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
