I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
