The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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