literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
