Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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