I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
