K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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