1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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