All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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