Pappa wants mamma naked
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
kristin has been a bad kristin
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
