well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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