Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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