I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
