I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
