theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have post one night stand depression
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