This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i need some magic done to my vagina
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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