remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
pop tarts are not kleenex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hippo gnu deer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
