Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So squirting runs in the family.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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