im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
