pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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