You're my little dorito
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
