Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
