he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
