With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
