I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
