I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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