dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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