I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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