I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is wine microwaveable?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
