I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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