just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
