now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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