That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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