I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
