Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
