I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
