Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
