Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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