I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
