one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
