Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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