I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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