Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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