We won't sleep together?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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