oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
