im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
