I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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