I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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