All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
