Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
