I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
