In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
